What Blocks Your Willingness to Rest?

Do You Resist Rest? What underlying beliefs drive you from it?

Even as I work hard to untangle my value and identity from what I do and how I show up for others, I am concerned with how casually the word "resilience" is painted onto self-neglect as a noble trait.

By diverting attention from systemic neglect and rewarding the endurance of systemic harm as something admirable without examining the root cause of the harm, 'resilience' becomes like gift wrapping on an empty box.

There is an aching emptiness in praising individuals and families for persevering through systems that undermine their health and well-being without addressing the root causes of the harm. At Intuitive Wellness, we witness many of our educator, health professional, and caregiver clients overlooking their own rest and health while advocating for the health and well-being of others. We witness daily how praise for enduring self-neglect creates a deeper emptiness and isolation within ourselves and our communities. Collectively, we begin to ignore our needs, view experiencing pain as indulgent, self-isolate, and wait for external permission and approval to rest and heal. Social shame around acknowledging our needs conditions us to perceive them as flaws, not rights.

So, whether you're simultaneously caring for small children and a loved one who's given birth, caring for an aging parent, returning to work with interrupted sleep and insufficient family leave, working full-time after intensive abdominal surgery, working to give your family a sense of stability while navigating increasing costs and job insecurity, or being encouraged to appear and behave as though you haven't given birth as your organs and hormones continue to shift, WE SEE YOU. We see you and encourage you not to suppress what you are feeling and experiencing. We encourage you not to bypass what you are navigating or allow someone to pin a badge of resilience over your journey before acknowledging your lived experience.

We acknowledge that despite our paradigm, you weren't meant to manage these shifts in isolation and without rest and support.

And when faced with social reward for performing strength, endurance, and resilience, we encourage you to flex your humanity. When your family, beloveds, and community courageously share their needs and experiences, please listen and honor their experience.

We are constantly faced with the choice to self-suppress and be a liability to ourselves or to bypass permission and approval and prioritize healing.. Please choose yourself.

We function within social, health, and systems that are working for their own preservation and profit, so please prioritize your health. It is no easy feat navigating a paradigm that espouses family values while under-prioritizing family leave, preventative and postpartum care, elder care, child care, and food and housing security. Telling the truth about what we are experiencing draws the isolation and shame out of our innate needs for health, support, and rest.

Does any of this resonate?

In what ways do you avoid rest? What beliefs steer you away from it?

When you have a moment, please share what you are managing. Share what is blocking your rest.

As we work to detach our self-worth from productivity or the capacity to alleviate suffering, let's be watchful of romanticizing "resilience" disguising self-neglect, and "busyness".

Self reflection about where I inherited my beliefs?

Both sides of my family are driven by community and achievement. My grandparents were focused and goal oriented. Seeking comfort and ease was not modeled as central to a fulfilling existence. My parents constantly raised the question "What are you doing to improve things around you?" and we were brought up to be mindful of how our behaviors and choices impact others. Having the fortune of knowing all 4 of my grandparents, I witnessed the affects of the discipline that they and my parents demostrated. They modeled sacrifice, discipline, self denial and prioritized the health and wellbeing of their families, children and communities.  My parents and grandparents worked for their children to access education, opportunities and experiences that they had been denied. So, endurance, perseverance, delayed gratification, and the quality of the relationships you built were foundational and measures of merit.

Self-sacrifice, perseverence, stoicism and endurance when encountering harm and indignity were part of the toolkit passed down. Observing how strength and resilience, in response to harm and neglect impacts our bodies, minds, emotions, and self awareness, I feel it's time to add new tools to my family toolkit.

My grandparents also exemplified self-determination, adaptability, healthful living, and self-reflection. My father's parents were an incredible team and best friends enveloped in a community and friendships that spanned lifetimes. So I am presently auditing my default habits and values and reassessing my relationship with my health, rest and wellbeing. I am working not to disregard sleep and prioritizing health as indulgent. And when I feel myself bracing against harshness- be it systemic or self imposed, I will be the first acknowledge my own humanity.

Self-reflection about where I inherited my beliefs?

Both sides of my family are driven by community and achievement. My grandparents were focused and goal-oriented. Seeking comfort and ease was not modeled as central to a fulfilling existence. My parents constantly raised the question, "What are you doing to improve things around you?" and we were brought up to be mindful of how our behaviors and choices impact others.Having the fortune of knowing all four of my grandparents, I witnessed the effects of the discipline that they and my parents demonstrated. They modeled sacrifice, discipline, self-denial, and prioritized the health and well-being of their families, children, and communities. My parents and grandparents worked for their children to access education, opportunities, and experiences that they had been denied. So, endurance, perseverance, delayed gratification, and the quality of the relationships you built were foundational and measures of merit.

Self-sacrifice, perseverance, stoicism, and endurance when encountering harm and indignity were part of the toolkit passed down. Observing how strength and resilience, in response to harm and neglect, impact our bodies, minds, emotions, and self-awareness, I feel it's time to add new tools to my family toolkit.

My grandparents also exemplified self-determination, adaptability, healthful living, and self-reflection. My father's parents were an incredible team and best friends enveloped in a community and friendships that spanned lifetimes. So I am presently auditing my default habits and values and reassessing my relationship with my health, rest, and well-being. I am working not to disregard sleep and prioritizing health as indulgent. And when I feel myself bracing against harshness—be it systemic or self-imposed, I will be the first to acknowledge my own humanity.

SHARE YOUR FEEDBACK .., HOW IS YOUR REST?

We are listening and invested in your experience so we can grow with you.

With warmth and solidarity,

Camille